7 Effects Of Having A Narcissistic Mother

Although sometimes you don’t realize it, the way you were raised greatly influences your personality and your self-esteem in the future. This time, let’s talk about the consequences of having a narcissistic mother.

If you have already had a mother with these characteristics, it is important that you know the possible effects and actions you can take to avoid emotional problems.

What is a Narcissistic Mother?

Parents are an authority figure. At the same time, they act as a model and as a first contact with society. However, not everyone is the best example, and some can even create serious problems in our lives.

Before discussing the results of having spent childhood with a narcissistic mother, it is important to understand what this concept means. The first thing we must take into account is that narcissistic people love each other to a great extent .

Therefore, they can demand a lot of attention from your loved ones and few things will prove satisfactory.

While this level of demanding can get them and their children great results in their lives, the emotional breakdown will be just as severe.

Therapist Karyl McBride, in her book Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers , brings together some of the characteristics of the sons and daughters of narcissistic mothers. Next, let’s talk about the main ones.

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1. Children of narcissistic mothers often forget their needs and desires

A narcissistic person always needs attention, is usually arrogant and likes to manipulate others because he thinks he deserves the best.

Translating this to the family context, one of the effects of having a narcissistic mother is that your children grow up with the need to please her.

In this process, children do not perceive themselves as individuals who also have their own desires and needs. In general, they become a reflection of what their mother wants and perform all the activities that are expected of them.

Upon obtaining the achievements and goals imposed, the mother rewarded them and, thus, they learned to constantly seek this affection. Therefore, when they grow up, they are not aware of their space and seek to satisfy others rather than themselves.

2. Have low self-esteem

Another effect of having a narcissistic mother is that children only receive affection when she wants something from them. The problem is that these moms are so demanding that it ‘s hard to fulfill all of their expectations.

As a result,  the mother will give signals or messages to the child that he is not good enough. This results in children who always feel incompetent, lacking in skills, anxious and with low self-esteem.

3. It’s hard to love the person you are

The fact that they feel they are not good enough makes it difficult for children of narcissistic mothers to love themselves and accept who they really are.

It’s normal for everyone to find things they don’t like and would like to change. However, a person with stable parents grows with the skills to find positive aspects in themselves.

One of the effects of having a narcissistic mother is that  the children of these women will have a hard time finding something they feel good about . Even if they reach big goals or accomplish everything they set out to do, it will never be enough for them.

4. They feel more like partners than children

Due to the great attention that this type of parent requires, their children’s lives revolve around them, their problems, their needs and their happiness.

For this reason, children become emotional supporters and are involved in situations in which they should not participate. These children take on so many responsibilities that they forget they are the children until they become more emotional partners.

People who have these kinds of parents  feel that they have spent their entire lives solving problems .

While this may be positive, because they have certainly learned to solve problems and be self- reliant, they will feel a great burden and will find it difficult to trust others.

5. All the time speak negatively

Having a narcissistic mother results in constant negative messages.  Because of this, children learn to talk about themselves with criticism and derogatory words.

There is a mirror effect. They learn to see life as their mother did, and because they received negative messages, they speak to themselves in the same way.

See also: Toxic family types and defining characteristics

6. Learn to hide their true essence

Another effect of having a narcissistic mother is that these children learn to  deny part of their essence in order to show what their mother expects of them . Over time, this process of denial or concealment becomes commonplace.

As adults, they may have difficulty identifying who they really are, what their real desires are, and what they really expect from life and from others.

7. Self-sabotage

Having a narcissistic mother implies that children always get the message that they are not good enough. This prepares them to expect the worst part of every situation.

As they grow up, they  avoid compromising their  emotions  to stay as safe as they can. For example, they will avoid falling in love so as not to be abandoned. Of course, this creates a vicious circle that leads to more anxiety and insecurity.

What to do if you have a narcissistic mother?

A relationship of this kind can cause intangible mental damage, but with great impact on your life.

If you live with a narcissistic mother, you should seek help or advice to deal with the messages learned and achieve a more fulfilling life.