I Learned To Be Alone Without Feeling Alone

After a long time when I felt enormous anxiety whenever I was alone, I learned to be alone without feeling this pressure that used to make me so distressed. This helped me not only to enjoy my own company, but also to eliminate certain beliefs from my mind that were conditioning my behavior.

Because many times I felt equally alone even around people, and I must confess that the same thing has happened during a romantic relationship.

Being alone is not isolating yourself, but knowing yourself and taking care of yourself

We often confuse being alone with being isolated from others. In fact, we may feel that way because people around us remind us of it all the time.

This happened to me, especially when I reconciled with my loneliness. The moment I felt good alone and learned to enjoy my company, I started to hear phrases like “You are very antisocial” .

However, being alone is not related to being sociable or not. I consider myself a person who likes to make new friends, meet different people and interact with others. However, I know how to enjoy my moments alone and I don’t force myself to see my friends if I don’t feel like it, simply because I haven’t seen them for a while.

Sometimes, before I was okay with myself, I felt a lot of pressure when there was an event and I didn’t feel like going. In my mind a conflict arose: what I really wanted and what “should” do.

The most revealing thing was when I realized that being with people didn’t make me feel full. I kept feeling empty. Now I understand it was because I hadn’t been given the opportunity to be with myself.

Stopping and looking beyond helps you find your own pace

We are not aware of this, but society is constantly putting pressure on us. Not just the people around us, but also our beliefs, advertising, movies and many other forms of content… The socially acceptable is everywhere and therefore it is difficult to see any further.

Having a good job, a good social circle, a partner and children seems to remain a model of a well-regarded life trajectory, but it doesn’t work for everyone. And that’s okay.

We often think (and I thought so too) that, in addition to following a socially accepted model, relationships in general have to be long-lasting and that it is necessary to stick to them because the fact that they end up implies the “end” of our social life .

After all, it’s still difficult to internalize the phrase that “ends can be new beginnings“. This is partly because we have been taught to practice clinging, even if what we cling to no longer satisfies us or even harms us.

We must ask ourselves if it is really worth clinging to what is not good for us and taking steps to move us towards some place where we feel that everything “fits us”.

Walking at your own pace: a precious daily task

When you start walking at your own pace and where you feel good, when you start questioning your beliefs, when you stop doing what you felt compelled to do before, it seems like everything becomes very difficult. You feel (and are) different and despite having to face moments when you will feel fear and doubts, you will also have moments of great well-being.

When walking at your own pace arouses uneasiness in you, think of everything that stood in the way between what was established and what did not provide well-being and now does.

Was it nice to always go to parties when you really didn’t feel like it? Did you feel good about forcing yourself to do things that didn’t even catch your attention just so you could be around people?

Did you really connect with what you were doing and the people you shared with? Have you ever put aside your preferences, beliefs and part of your essence to fit into a group?

How have you felt since you stopped doing this? Did you notice that by respecting your rhythm, you can find more balance in other areas of your life?

When I understood my fear of being alone, I also realized that I had very low self-esteem. Seeking outside approval, taking responsibility for how others feel, worrying about being rejected… was exhausting and didn’t do me any good.

The good news is that all of this was behind me when I started to get to know myself better, to prioritize myself, to be alone and to realize that I didn’t need to spend my time with others, but rather take care of myself to be okay with or without others. people around. I also learned that by taking care of myself, I was able to establish healthier relationships than when I was striving to fit in and please.

I understood that “need” and “choose” are not the same thing

Now, I know I need to take care of myself. I also know that I can choose to have a partner or meet my friends. I can choose to participate in a certain event, but I don’t need it so I don’t feel alone.

Have you ever been in this situation? Do you avoid being alone? T 

If you can feel good about yourself, you’ll know how much it helps to have healthier relationships and act on what you feel rather than what you believe you should do.